Did you happen to catch that Time Magazine cover from the other week – you know, the one with the willowy blonde with her four-year old attached to her breast?

Yep, this one.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I could care less how long this woman nurses her child. It’s the title that got my attention.
“Are you mom enough?”
For what? Breastfeeding? Feeding an infant/toddler lasts for a couple of years at best and while breastfeeding advocates list a whole raft of benefits, the truth is (and any parent who has gotten out of the early years will confirm this) feeding a baby, while important, is not going to impact the entire rest of their life.
Where your child is educated does. Get a good school where your child is happy and life is golden. Get a not-so-good school (or, God forbid, a really crap one) and you may as well write your kid off. Teach ‘em how to flip burgers ’cause that’s where they’ll end up whether they were breastfed or not.
Okay, maybe there is a small chance of getting past and moving on from a bad educational experience, but you get my point. Education matters.
Ensuring your child get’s a good education is no joke. It can cost thousands of dollars and takes years of blood, sweat and tears on the part of parents. Homework, carpools, class projects, school supplies, more homework, summer reading lists, more homework – all to ensure you child is “successful”.
Yesterday I was sitting in a classroom in a good primary school and I noticed that one section of the wall was devoted to “Class Objectives”. One of these objectives was sitting quietly on the carpet then transitioning quickly to assigned tasks at desks. This is how we define success. Forming an orderly queue. Neet hand writing. Good behaviour.
I’ve got a lot of experience in schools both as an educator and a parent. In fact, if you count my own years of schooling, I have never been out of education except for a brief 15 month period between 1993-94.
In all my years involved in education, it never once occurred to me that being able to sit quietly on the carpet was an important life skill. Having worked in business and industry, I can tell you that this skill has never appeared on a person specification for a job application, nor have I ever been assessed for my carpet sitting skills in a performance evaluation.
Being able to communicate effectively both orally and in writing – check. The ability to work in a collaborative environment – check. Evaluating large quantities of information in order to produce client focused solutions – check.
Why, then, do we pack our children off to often depressing looking buildings to sit in crowded rooms full of kids who may or may not share their interests and abilities, to be supervised by people who are way over worked and underpaid. Why do we value mindless obedience over creative energy? Why do we insist on conformity over originality?
Don’t misunderstand me – I know how hard teachers work and the job they have is nearly impossible, especially in the target driven culture we currently support. And there are so many wonderful teachers in our schools! I’ve been blessed to have been taught by some of them and privileged to have worked with many more.
It’s not the teachers I’ve got a problem with. It’s the system. The system is broken. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter how many “teacher accountability” initiatives are passed by state legislatures, or how much more money is pumped into it – the system simply was not designed to produce people ready for the 21st century.
So here is the question: Are you mom (and dad) enough? Are you prepared to remove your kids from a broken system and take personal responsibility for the learning and ensure they are prepared to thrive in a constantly evolving and increasingly technological world rooted in the exponential growth of information?
Are you ready to homeschool? More radically, are you ready to unschool?
Unschooling is a branch of homeschooling that was conceived by the educator John Holt in the 1970′s. As a successful teacher, Holt came to view the educational system as a lost cause. He started a movement based on the premise that children are naturally inquisitive with an innate desire to learn. The system, with it’s constant testing and assessment, causes fear and anxiety in children which leads to memory loss and bad behaviour. When children are freed from the system and given access to the world and all it has to offer, they will naturally learn what they need to. They are prepared for the Real World, not by being warehoused in schools, but by being fully present in it.
Sounds a bit airy fairy, right? No sane person would do this. Left to their own devises, children will only learn how to play video games and blow up things in the microwave. And anyway, most parents don’t have the patience (or the time – ever hear of a mortgage, I hear you ask?) to teach their own kids. Schools preserve parental sanity. Most parents would have themselves committed if they had to be with their kids that long.
I used to think like that. But, thanks to Autism (and let me assure you, I don’t thank it for much) I’ve unknowingly been an unschooling parent for the last year. I’ve had the opportunity to watch my son come out of himself as he looses the shackles of the system and gains confidence as a learner. He was so riddled with anxiety he could not function at school. Today he is a different person.
It has been so beneficial to him, I’m thinking about unschooling my daughter as well as my two youngest boys. Despite the fact that Nyree does well at school, how can I continue to send her into a school whose values I increasingly reject? She’s bright, but is her creativity being nurtured? How much more could she achieve if left to her own devices?
It’s a big step and I haven’t decided yet.
The only thing I have to figure out?
Am I mom enough?





4 comments
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May 28, 2012 at 10:56 am
melbo
I know of a few people who have made decisions on their children’s schooling for similar reasons. The system as it exists does not meet the child’s needs.
My opinion on childraising basically centres on the belief that you follow your instincts and find what works for you and your child. If something isn’t working, try another way. I wish you luck with it and hope everything goes well.
Hope all is well with you – it’s been a while. =)
June 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Katie Spencer White
Hi there! I agree ~ raising children is a very personal experience for eack parent. There is no one way to do it right and no single decision is usually enough to make it all go wrong. As you point out, flexibility is the key. As the great Bruce Lee said, we must be like water.
I’ve been on a self imposed maternity leave which is why I’ve been gone awhile. I’m slowly getting back in the saddle, lol. Hope you are well
June 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Katie Spencer White
Hey there! Yes, it has been a while – I’ve been on maternity leave and try to blog when I get the rare odd moment, lol!
Something I don’t think most adults consider, but which your comment alludes to, is that parenting is a very personal experience. We are not only raising children, we are having an experience ourselves – we want to enjoy it, not just make life enjoyable for our kids. Following your instincts is part of that whole journey. With unschooling, and homeschooling generally, I think most people are afraid to dip their toe in the water. I wish more parents would have the…intrepid spirit to follow an instinct that doesn’t necessarily match up with social expectations.
Hope you are well, too!
June 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Shanna
After reading the Underground History of American Education, before we were even pregnant and due to on our own schooling experiences, my husband and I have begun our homeschooling/unschooling journey with our kids now 5 and 3. I’m still not sure where I stand on the homeschooling – unschooling spectrum – definitely leaning more unschooling though. However, the public school system and the whole idea of packing our kids off to a pack of strangers for most of their lives seems crazy to us. (the book above is available online here: http://johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/index.htm)